Feelings on Feelings on Feelings

There are a lot of feelings over here on this side of the Pacfic. Most of them are happy as I am starting to say goodbye and tie up loose ends here in Tonga, but there is also a lot of mid sentence burst of tears. Wow. I knew it was going to be hard to leave, but now that my days are limited it's hitting me hard. I have 3 weeks left in 'Eua and 4 weeks left in the Kingdom. Every since my group's Close of Service conference at the end of July time has just been flying. The past 2 months have been packed full of all my favorite things and people in Tonga. The next couple of weeks I plan to share some of my favorite memories of my time in Tonga. I am so excited to see everyone when I get back, especially to meet my niece, but this is a really hard goodbye I am facing.

Here are some pictures from the last couple of months!

COS Conference at Vakaloa Resort!

Scuba Diving in 'Eua with a shark

King Tupou VI came for a visit

Over the past week the Sams and I made coconut oil with our friend, Luseane. We collected all of the coconuts (100), found all the difference spices and flowers, grated the coconuts, squeezed the juice out of them, and boiled them turning them into coconut oil. Coconut oil is so good for your skin and hair!

Last week, we had Teacher's Day. All the teachers in 'Eua came together and celebrated another successful year of education. Sami, Hame, and I all gave a fakamalo (thank you speech) and got to sit at the head feast table since we are all leaving. It was a fun day! 

Stay tuned for a walk down memory lane! 'Ofa atu

Update on Life in Tonga

Well, like always, life has stayed interesting since being back in Tonga. So much adventure has filled my past couple of months, as well as, sickness and injury (no surprise there ha!) The best way to share what is going on in my life in Tonga is through pictures!

The most important event to happen in the last three months is my niece, Brenna Joy Baldwin was born at the end of June. This sweet little bundle has made me so homesick because I just want to squeeze her and love on her so much. I cannot wait to meet this sweet little girl that made me an aunt in November!

We had a holiday at the beginning of June and the SAMs and I went on a hike that turned into us getting very lost, which turned into us finding ourselves in the middle of a person's bush land. Our lost adventure led us to huge talo leaves and high school boys climbing a coconut tree for us. What a day, but what day isn't with the SAMwich?

Over the last school holiday a big group of us went to a northern island group in Tonga known as Vava'u. We saw some beautiful sites, had lots of fun, and the SAMs and I even got scuba dive certified. You know in the fourth book of Harry Potter when they have the underwater challenge? That is scuba diving. The first time I went to the bottom of the harbor we started in I thought to myself I am Hermione Granger. It was magic.

This sweet, sweet little guy who was named after me turned one this past week. It is so crazy how fast the first year of his life went. I am so sad every time I think about having to leave him and his family soon, but am so blessed by getting the opportunity to be apart of his life. 

Here are just a few snapshot from the past couple months full of people I love and am having a hard time coming to terms with leaving them. I love them all so much and they all bring so much joy to my life <3

And finally to end this post my three traumatic medical incidents haha

First I got Mata Kovi (pink eye) 5 days after returning to Tonga. It was an epidemic in Tonga. I was banished to my house for a whole week, my eye was swollen shut, and it hurt to watch movies. It was a really longggggggg week. 

Second I woke up about a month ago at 5:30am with hives covering my whole body. When I say whole body I mean from the top of my skull to the bottom of my feet. It was traumatic to say the least. It took 3 hospital visit, 3 shots, and 3 days before the hives went away and stayed away; followed by 3 weeks of oral steriod. We have no idea what I am allergic to, but I am hoping that I never come into contact with it again. When I get back to the states I will be getting an allergy test done. 

And finally, the most recent incident occurred about two weeks ago when a very hot water (on account of it just being boiled) fell onto my foot. The first couple of days it looked like a bruise and hurt like one. Then it blistered. Then is popped. Then is peeled. And it is finally healing.

Well, that's about all that has been happening in my life over here in Tonga. Next week, my group has their COS (close of service) conference. It will be three days of celebrating and reflecting on the past two years. It is crazy to think that our time here really is coming to an end. In just a little over three months I will be back home, but I am not emotionally ready to talk or think about leaving Tonga. 

'Ofa atu and thanks for reading <3

Where in the World is Bailey Bollinger?

A lot of people have asked me if I am home? Am I home for good? What's going on? etc.

Well, the answer is yes. I was home for an unexpected couple of weeks, but have returned to Tonga. I'm so sorry that there are so many of my friends that I wasn't able to see and that a lot of you didn't know of my return. It was a sensitive and limited time. I will give a brief account of what happened, but for many reason I am keeping it short and simple.

At the beginning of March I went to church with the SAMs for a youth program that Sami's village was participating in at the local prison in 'Eua. It was a very short service and enlightening experience. About two weeks post church at the prison, a man knocked on my door wanting to ask me some questions. He was very polite and nonthreatening (and it was raining) so I allowed him to come into my house to ask me his questions. Once in my house, he revealed that he was a prisoner. This immediately put me on alert and I began to internally weigh my options on how best to handle the situation. After a few minutes of conversation with the man I began to feel uncomfortable. I nonchalantly texted Alatini to please come over and help me. Alatini came over as quick as he could and was able to get the man to leave my house without conflict. As soon as I saw Alatini the realization of the situation I was in hit me hard. It was like because he was there to take control of the situation I started to lose my own control. As mention earlier the man left upon Alatini's request. For the record this man never attempted to touch me or hurt me and ultimately, had an okay outcome.

My village immediately took action calling the police and filing report, as well as, the Peace Corps. My country director came to my island the next day to help make sense of what had happened. After a few days of discussion and being taken off my island and moved to the main island it was decided that I would be sent home for a few weeks. Within 24 hours of being told I was going to America I was on my first flight. It was really emotional. I was so afraid if I got on the plane to go to America I was never going to get back on the plane to Tonga. In the end it all worked out. Peace Corps Tonga worked together with the Tongan police to insure my safety in 'Eua. The man was moved to a prison on a different island. And most importantly I got to return to my site to finish my last 6 months of service.

Being in America gave me a chance to recharge and gain some perspective on the situation and it really cemented my choice to join the Peace Corps. As nice as it was to see my friends and family the whole time I was home I was waiting for the day I got the clearance to return to Tonga. After 33 days at home I was able to go home to Tonga.

From this experience I came to a lot of realizations. To name a few...
1. How much my village wants to protect me from harm and cares about me.
2. How lucky I am to have Alatini in my life.
3. Bad things can and do happen everywhere, but they shouldn't stop us from living.
4. Tonga takes up so much room in my heart right now.
5. No matter what part of the world I am in I have the best support system.
6. As it turns out, I don't miss the cold that much. It snowed my first day back in KC and I spent the majority of my time home cold.
7. American food, man.

Highlights of coming home 6 months earlier than expected.
1. I got to spend Easter with my family.
2. I got to celebrate my Grandfather's 88th birthday.
3. I got to meet my Goddaughter, Hazel Kallal.
4. I got to go to my sister's baby shower and see her quickly growing belly.
5. I got to go to Katie Loew's wedding shower. 
6. I got to see friends and family that I haven't seen for 20+ months.
7. I got to eat Chipotle. 

I hope this blog clears up anyone's confusion about where I am and what is going on. Don't worry! I have so many people working to keep me safe. Tonga is my home right now and I intend to enjoy every last second of these next 6 months. 'Ofa atu!

The FamBAM takes the South Pacific

I started 2016 off with family, Fiji, and turning a year older. I flew into Fiji the night before my dad, Debbie, and Emily arrived. Waking up at 4am the following day to go and retrieve them from the airport.  That first day together was full of random hugging, tropical drinks at the beach, and pure happiness. Being in Fiji was full of relaxation. Emily and I got pedicures. My dad and I spent a morning in town and ate some native Indian food. Debbie and I spent hours having girl talk. The best part of Fiji was doing nothing. It was relaxation, yummy food, and quality time with my family.

After five days of bliss we packed up our belongings and we began our travel to my island, ‘Eua. Our first night in Tonga I got the opportunity to introduce my Tongan family to my American Family. It was so special for 3 women who all consider me a daughter to get to meet and be together. I think it was so reassuring to my dad to finally meet the people who cared for me when I first arrived to Tonga. They kept telling my dad, Debbie, and Emily how I am their princess and they treated me like a princess when I lived with them. It was so sweet to be all together. 

The next day we boarded the world’s shortest commercial flight on a 17passenger plane to ‘Eua. Eight minutes later we were finally home. We were greeted at the airport by Sammy who came bearing flower leis. Meleongo’s family welcomed my family with a Tongan lunch and some fakamalos (speeches). It was exciting to explain to them what all the different foods were and to see which ones they liked and others they weren’t so sure about. It was funny because there were so many things that I didn’t like when I first came too, but now love and eat on a regular basis. They were all so surprised to see how much raw fish I was eating and maybe even more surprised how much they liked it.

We went on a couple of hikes and did a lot of exploring to caves, cliffs, and beaches. Had a pig roast. Went to church in matching traditional Tongan clothing. They got to meet the people who mean the most to me here, both American and Tongan. I preformed Tongan dancing for them with the help of the people in my village. My dad and I went out to see with some men from my village and line fished. We (they) caught 45 tunas and I turned as green as the boat! But, most importantly I think, and hope that my dad, Debbie, and Emily got a real understanding of what my life is like here in Tonga, mostly all the good parts and little of the not so good.

A common theme of their time here was thankfulness. The Tongan people shared how thankful they were for me being here and for my family to come visit. My family gave thanks to the Tongan people for caring for me and loving me. I was thankful for all the stuff the Tongans did to show my family hospitality while they were here and that my family took the time and money to come and see me. 

Thank you so  much for coming to see me and be a part of my life here in Tonga. It means more than words could explain! 

Ta'u Fo'ou

A new year is upon us. My Peace Corps’ adventure began in 2014 and it is to be completed in 2016. And guess what…it’s 2016. This past year has been a year of growth, discovery, beauty, laughter, sorrow, and love. I wished some days away, and for even more to never end. Some days feel like I am doing nothing in my life, while all of you back home are doing everything. You are adulting and I am on what sometimes feels like a two-year spring break in the Pacific. I don’t have a big girl job or a salary. I am not in graduate school. My credit score is zero and my dad is still doing my taxes. But in other ways I feel like I am getting to experience life in a way that so many people never will. I am living a life that is completely foreign to everything I have ever known. I have jumped into a new culture. My whole being has been melted down to fit into a new mold. My language, my clothes, my fears, my insecurities, my relationships, and even the way that I style my hair have changed. Some of these have been changes for culture sensitivity, while others are simply for my own comfort or have come naturally in my adaptation to a new environment. 

In 2015 I did an abundance of things for the first time and hope to continue to discover new things this year. But I don’t want my curiosity for life to disappear as I reenter my life in America in 10 months. I want 2017 and 2018 and 2050 to be just as full of new as 2015 has been. This past year I discovered my thirst for adventure and life experience that I never knew I had. I think that in America we are a lot of talk and a little action. Americans are big dreamers, but we tend to lack the spontaneity that I have learned from Tongans.  I think that there should be and needs to be a balance between planning for the future and living in the moment. My American roots and my Tongan branches are working together, to guide me in how to love and appreciate life in a way that I didn’t understand before.  I am going to complete this thought with something that I know some of you will get and others of you won’t understand and maybe never will be able to, but that’s okay because we all have our own lives to live. But anyways, so many things in life will always be there, while so many won’t last forever, so it is up to you to decide which ones you will give priority to.

Highlights of 2015- 12 for 12

1.     I am finally going to be an aunt! Emily and Brett will be welcoming a bundle of joy into the world June 2016. It is going to be a long, and I mean long, 5 months of waiting to meet the sweet babe. But I could not be more excited for them or myself :)

2.     I got to spend time with my family and 2 best friends in Hawaii. It was a week of food indulgence with some of my favorite people. And in just 5 short days another reunion will be happening in Fiji. This time with my dad, sister, and Debbie! 

3.     I had strep throat SIX times. How one gets strep throat so many times in one year is still a mystery to me. I had strep not long after the beginning of 2015 and was just completing an antibiotic for strep as 2015 came to a close. 

4.     I ran 7 consecutive miles. Sami L has been training for a marathon so I have been trying to get some running in with her. At the end of October I got up to a 7 mile run. I cannot say that I really enjoy running for 7 miles at a time, but a 3 mile run I find to be very relaxing and suitable. 

5.     I pooped on my own foot during a bout of food poisoning. It was 3 o’clock in the morning and it had been coming out both ends for a few hours already. I had been consistently switching from sitting on the toilet and bending over it and well before I knew it I needed to be both sitting and bending. The demand was high and the supply was low. I chose to bend. Probably should have sat. But bending made for the better story.

6.     I have reached advance low in my Tongan language. When I first went to site I scored an intermediate low on my language exam. Back in May I had moved up 2 levels to intermediate high. And a few weeks ago I secured myself to the next level of advanced low. It has stressful and confusing learning a new language, but it's fun!

7.     I skinny dipped in the Pacific Ocean…a few times. The Sams and I recently decided we should be skinny dipping more because there are so many deserted beaches on our island. The first time it was a great success. Fun was had all around. The most recent time we had been having a secret kava circle on the beach and in our kava induced states thought it was the perfect time to go again. We got our clothes off and went running into the water and well, the water did not even reach our anklebones. It was low tide. Like the lowest.

8.     I have gained another circle of people in my life. Between my Peace Corps friends and the Tongans who have befriended me, these people have enriched my life in so many ways. I have created a bond and memories with them that will last a lifetime. It is going to be really hard when they are no longer a part of my daily life.

9.     I recently learned and preformed some Tongan dances with the church in my village. I learned a tau’olunga which is a traditional dance done by unmarried women. It is supposed to be very graceful and requires soft hand movements. I also learned a hula. The hula was definitely more on my level, but I had so much fun learning both!

10. I have been able to sleep in a cave and on the beach a couple of times this past year. Sleeping outside with no tent is fun. It can be cold and a little wet, but it is adventurous and you get to open your eyes to the sunrise in the morning! 

11. I got the opportunity to swim with whales. I have already mentioned this on my blog a couple times, but it was definitely high on the list of best life experiences so it had to go on the highlight list. 

12.  The final highlight is something that I never thought was going to happen while being in Tonga, but sometimes life is full of the unexpected. I have fallen in love with a Tongan guy from my village. My life is even happier with him in it!

New Year’s Resolutions for 2016

1.     To blog once a month.

2.     To run at least 12 miles a week.

3.     To be a better human.

4.     To journal more.

5.     To say ‘sorry’ less and ‘thank you’ more.

2015 Photo Review

Fakamonu’ia atu ‘i he ta’u fo’ou! Hope your 2015 was great and that your 2016 is even better! And just remember my return is upon  you :) plan accordingly! Thank you to everyone who helped make this year so great!

"Drink from the well of yourself and begin again." 

Swimming with the Whales

As I squeezed my toes into my flippers in preparation to slide off the edge of the boat my heart was beating with excitement and, to be honest, a little bit of fear. It was just me, the Pacific Ocean, and a couple of very large sea creatures, humpback whales, to be exact. As I floated facedown on the surface of the water two whales, a mother and her baby, floated under me with about a 30 ft distance between us. At that perspective they seemed huge, but so gentle and peaceful as they swam below me. After what felt to be five minutes of gazing in wonder (I lost all notion of time during this magical experience) the whales began to rise to the surface. Before I could even think to try to move out of the way two humpback whales were within 5 ft of me. As I was stunned in amazement I remember yelling to Sam, “Sammyyyyyyyy” with equal amounts of fear and excitement as the whales continued to swim around me. All it would have taken was a swift flick of their tale and I would have been lost to the sea forever. With our fate in the fins of the whales I thought to myself, if I die now I will truly die happy.

I could have floated their all day watching the whales move around me, but unfortunately the whales did not find us equally as fascinating. They decided to move on in their travel along the coast of ‘Eua at a speed much faster than we could have even attempted to match so it was time to get back on the boat. As I was climbing out of the water, Kiko (the whale whisperer) stretches out his hand to me and I exclaimed, “Kiko, miemei mate mei fiefie aupito!” I almost died from so much happiness. Kiko responded with laughter and playful Tongan banter. He told me the whale thought I was talavou (beautiful) and probably wanted to marry me. I like to think he was right. I told him he could leave me in the sea!

The amount of beauty and wonder I experienced that day is indescribable.  It is something that I will always remember. Being around those large creatures in the ocean that day reminded me that I am so small in comparison to the world. I gained a new perspective on life out there in the sea. Life is too short to waste it doing the same thing everyday. My heart yearns for adventure!

…and I have never wanted to be a mermaid more. 

 

 

"The wilderness isn't quite what I expected, it's wild"

ONE Year

Earlier this week marked a year since I left Liberty, Missouri.  A year since I have seen the majority of my friends and family. A year since I slept in my own bed, in my childhood room. A year since I have had my dad’s infamous breakfast. A year since I began the biggest adventure of my life!

And today marks a year of living in the Kingdom of Tonga. Before coming to Tonga I had had my fair share of heartbreak, frustration, love, and laughter, but Tonga has shown me a whole different side to these emotions.

I have never known heartache like the heartache I have had here. My heart hurts everyday when I think of home. When I find myself feeling left out of the lives back at home that I care the most about. When I have had a bad day and I just want to eat an ice cream cone with my dad or cry on my mom’s shoulder. Every night before I go to sleep and I think to myself, I hope these people that I love so much remember me. I hope I still fit into their lives and that they still want me. I feel so much sorrow when the people I love at home have heartbreak and there is nothing I can do half way across the world. My heart hurts so much when I think about leaving my life here in Tonga in just over a year, at the chance of never seeing these people who have taken me in and loved me as one of their own again. No matter how hard it was to say goodbye to my family and friends back at home it will be tremendously harder to say goodbye to my family and friends here because even though I have my insecurities I know the people that matter will be greeting me with open arms when I return to the States. I know that people will still love me and have a spot for me, we will just have some catching up to do. When I left the US I knew I would see everyone again in 26 months, but I don't know when I will see these people again. And that makes me sad, but even more grateful for the time I do have to spend with them!

But, for every minute of heartache there are a thousand minutes of love and laughter. I fully believe that I live in the happiest place on Earth. I am so happy. My heart is overflowing with happiness. I wake up everyday and go to sleep every night to the sound of the Pacific Ocean. I am constantly being fed warm meals and being asked if I am okay or if I need anything. I am told that I am loved multiple times of every day. Coconuts are left on my porch. I laugh. And I joke. I have truly found a best friend and sister in a Tongan and not only her, but also her whole family. I have had the opportunity to meet 14 other Americans that I probably never would have crossed paths with in America. I have gotten to go on so many adventures here in Tonga and see so much natural beauty. I have learned so many new things, my views and perspectives have been widened, and my heart just keeps getting bigger! I am so excited for this next year of life!

This past year would not have been possible without a lot of people, but my appreciation especially goes out to my other palangis here on the island of ‘Eua. Us palangis gotta stick together. ‘Ofa lahi atu, moutolu! 

Ten facts from the last 365 days!

1. I have read 46 books (wanted 52, but I just love having time to read again).

2. I have swam with humpback whales.

3. I have eaten raw fish and it has become one of my favorite foods!

4. I have been on the world’s shortest commercial flight! (8 minutes)

5. A baby was named after me. 

6. I have become a mother and a glamma of six furry babies.

7. I have been ten feet away from a King

8. I have been complimented, not only on my dancing, but my singing as well. 

9. I have learned a new language and I am still learning.

10. I have climbed a coconut tree (that’s not actually true, but I’m trying!)

Thanks for the continual support! It means more than I could ever explain. Here is a short video highlighting my favorite memories of this first year! 

'Ofa lahi atu <3